Consolidated Breakdowns - "The First Year"

A couple weeks ago, I mentioned that I was going to put together a chronological list of all my song breakdowns. I ended up needing to step away for a little while because of some minor swings related to my bipolar disorder, but I really didn't want this one to get lost in the shuffle.

This is where the entire story comes together.

I want this to be something both the current community and people who discover my music years from now can come back to—not only to understand one of the most unstable periods of my life, but also the period when I finally decided to pursue music seriously.

I believe this story has the potential to help people through difficult times. My hope is that one day I can look back and know that it did.

I’ve shared this summary before, but I realized it’s also a good way to organize the breakdowns:

“Man gets diagnosed with mental health disorders, goes into intensive therapy, learns about the person he wants to be, reconciles with the person he used to be, goes to New York, has a mental health relapse, struggles with suicidal thoughts, and ultimately decides he’d rather see what life has in store for him…”

Man gets diagnosed with mental health disorders, goes into intensive therapy, learns about the person he wants to be, reconciles with the person he used to be:

Performances (May 23, 2025)

God’s Way (June 15, 2025)

New Meds (July 1, 2025)

Grace ft. CL Sounds & Dyani Star Myles (August 8, 2025)

Goes to New York, has a mental health relapse

New York Bound ft. djlexandthecity & Takotah Akira (October 14, 2025)

Round 2 (November 14, 2025)

I Am Not Toxic (February 13, 2026)

Struggles with suicidal thoughts, and ultimately decides he’d rather see what life has in store for him…

Higher (February 13, 2026)

Heartbreak (February 20, 2026)

Keep Waiting (March 6, 2026)

Think Happy Thoughts (March 27, 2026)

All in all, this story takes about an hour and a half to read. When I initially wrote these songs, I didn’t anticipate that I’d be writing an autobiography on them as well. Looking at the finished product, I’m grateful that the story now exists in multiple formats. You can hear the songs, read the articles, or experience both. My hope is that having it available in different forms gives it a better chance of reaching someone who needs it.

Shortly after sending this email/posting the web article, I’m going to share the link to this story on social media platforms. If this story resonates with you, I’d really appreciate your help getting it in front of someone else who might need it.

My goal is to get this story in front of as many people who need it. I wrote some of these songs at times when I was completely hopeless, and then I wrote other songs when I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The main point is that if someone is stuck in a bad place, I want them to see that it doesn’t have to be permanent. I know how difficult it was for me to see the possibility of things getting better.

Moving forward, I’m really excited to start talking to you about the album. I’m really in love with what I’ve created so far. I will admit, there are some parts to it that are still a little messy and uncomfortable, but I think the album represents the types of thought processes I was having as I started to stabilize more. That doesn’t mean it’s all pretty, but one of the most important lessons I’ve learned over the past few years is that you gotta work through the ugly in order to move on. After working on this album, I feel as if I’m in a much better place mentally than when I started it. I can’t wait to share it with you!

This breakdown series may be coming to an end, but there’s a lot more ahead. If you’re reading this online and want to follow along as I start sharing The Aftershow, you can join the mailing list below.

As always, thank you for being a part of this, your support means everything to me!

-ThatguyCailen

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